This would have to be the most common question I get asked in my work.  

I would say that every parent, including myself, has experienced the frustration of giving an instruction that seems to fall on deaf ears.  

A wonderful part of being a child is that everything is fresh and new. There is so much to be discovered, tested, invented and shown off. Time is irrelevant and imagination is unlimited.

We might want our child to get dressed, but our agenda is no match for their world. I feel it’s important to acknowledge the creative stage of life that children are in and to nurture this as much as we can. The best way to do this is through playing with our children in a way that is not focused on the outcome, but the process. Make marks on paper, dance, dress up, do silly walks. Playing in this way supports attachment, and attachment supports follow through with instructions.

I also feel there are some valuable considerations for those busy moments, that can help to set both ourselves and our children up for success.  

Where are you giving the instruction from?  

It can help to anchor our child’s attention before giving the instruction. Put yourself in the same room and, ideally, on the same level as your child. Instructions given from a distance or from another room will get lost. You might also say their name or hold their hand to help them focus and hear what you have to say. 

How are you giving the instruction? 

With clarity, positivity and, where possible, playfulness. Focus on what it is that you’d like your child to do: walk in the house, put your jumper on. If you notice your child is expressing their will, i.e., saying no, give them a bit more control, e.g., I can see it’s cold outside, I wonder what else you might need to put on. It’s empowering to do our own problem solving. Make things playful, e.g., running isn’t great in the house, I wonder if you could walk like a spaceman instead?  

How many instructions are you giving? 

Children are processing a lot of information through all their senses, in every moment. Following multiple instructions at once requires functions in the brain that are not yet fully developed. To set your child up for success, practice giving one instruction at a time.   

If you would like to learn more about this and how it might relate to your parenting experience, please feel free to contact me and I’ll be happy to discuss how we can work together to meet the needs of you and your family. 

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