Is your child taking all morning to finish a piece of toast?

Are they staring into space when you’ve just asked them to put their shoes on?

You’re not alone if you’re experiencing moments like these, perhaps every day.    

In my observation, children move at a different pace than we adults are used to. We see them get so excited that their whole body seems to move at once, running like the wind when they’ve got the energy or motivation for it. But when the world around them gets too fast or too loud, they stop. They stop hearing, stop seeing, and stop responding, not necessarily because they can’t, but because they’re taking in too much all at once.

Here’s the irony: if you want your child to move faster, you need to slow down. Imagine yourself as an anchor – steady, calm, holding still so your child can settle enough to hear you and respond. Try slowing your own body down and moving closer to your child when you tell them what you’d like them to do.

If your child is taking too long over a piece of toast, it’s worth asking why. Do they need more time? Is there too much happening around them? Do they need company? I’m noticing, more and more in my own parenting, that focusing on relationship, rather than compliance, is the most reliable way to actually “get things done.” Very often, when I offer to go with our child to brush their teeth, they come without delay. When I offer to help them put their shoes on, they want to give it a go themselves.

This isn’t about children not wanting independence. It’s about them knowing the invitation to depend on us is always open. And that’s the second irony: the more securely a child knows they can lean on us, the more energy they have to venture out as their own person.

Where in your day could you slow down and come alongside your child a little more?

If you would like to learn more about this and how it might relate to your parenting experience, please feel free to contact me and I’ll be happy to discuss how we can work together to meet the needs of you and your family.  

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